Well, well,well. What was I saying about Time?? It's only been two years since my last post.
I have been searching, journeying and experimenting in life. I'm almost 40! Yes, 40!!! And what I am finding is that all those things I wanted to be when I was 20, are still inside me somewhere. I call her "Someone".
When I was 20, I new I wanted to be a mom. Check. I wanted to find love. Check. I want to be an ethical person. Check? I wanted to be an artist. (We'll get back to that one). I wanted to be fit and healthy and beautiful. Ummmm...
Mostly, I wanted to be happy. Certainly, I have been happy. I would guess happier than most. I am extremely lucky. The Man and I have been married longer than most people we know. I have three amazing, funny, beautiful and healthy children. I have wonderfully supportive family. I have had a pretty successful career where I have helped bring art to many.
So why is Someone nagging me constantly? Why does she make me feel like a failure? I mean, I have done pretty well by her. I have kept her safe. I think of her frequently. But she is always there, reminding me that I have not lived up to all she wanted me to be.
She gives me a lot of crap about not making time for art. I give my days to helping other people develop their art. I give them all my creative ideas. I inspire them. But what happens when I get inspired? Someone gets very excited. We head to the art supply store, grab some supplies and head home. As soon as we get home, it's time for dinner, then homework, bath time and putting the kids to bed---oh, and I have to make sure there are enough clean towels and lunches packed. THEN, I am tired. But, what about the art Someone was so excited about? Sorry, Someone. Sometimes being a grown up sucks.
I always tell my students that Art is your best friend and it will never leave you. It will always be there for you when you need it.
Someone and Art are ganging up on me. I am feeling the pull back to my easel like a magnetic force. I want to post videos to my YouTube channel and Instagram more often. I would love to create a following and supplement my income through art making. Someone may be taking over. We will see!
I can only focus on one thing at a time, Someone. So, I will post about all your other "wants" another time. For now, be patient with me? I will be back. I promise.
